Separating Divorcing Parents? Coping With Your Parents' Divorce - Proceed With Caution

Separating & Divorce: There’s a New Beginning for Every End to a Marriage

Your parents have tried to make their marriage work and maybe they even tried again and again, but now your parents are divorcing, and you are wondering how you will deal with the changes and challenges that are soon to come. A lot of things will be different for you now, especially within your family life; however, seeking help and advice for coping with divorce is a very important part of the process that will help make everything turn out okay.

Ensure a Healthier Recovery: Know the Divorce Facts to Prevent the Negative Side Effects of Divorce on Children, Teens, & Adults

Separation and divorce can be a major turning point for each individual of the family even though it is the parents’ thoughts, feelings, and actions that are influencing the marital problems that the divorce is based on. In fact, if not handled with care, separation and divorce can be very devastating and traumatizing to any individual of the family. In particular, children, adolescents, and teens tend to be effected by separation and divorce more than other age groups, with behavioral health and emotional health being affected the most, which may cause depression and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) especially when any physical abuse or emotional abuse such as Parental Alienation has been involved. As a result, a negative divorce could possibly have a negative impact on the generation(s) yet to come.

Sadly, almost half of all U.S. marriages in today’s world are ending in separation and divorce according to the National Vital Statistics report. As a result, almost half of all U.S. families have to deal with the challenges brought on by divorce and separation. These challenges may seem hard at times, you might feel alone, and unsure of the life ahead of you, but with help from sources such as friends, family members, a guidance counselor, self-help groups, and written materials, it is possible to deal with divorce and the challenges it brings in a healthy positive way.

Get Divorce Support For a Healthier Recovery

Dealing with divorce in a healthy positive way will help ensure the emotional health for all family members and is much more beneficial to the lives of all the family members. A healthy divorce outcome relies on the fact that all family members have a firm understanding of the situation and the challenges ahead as well as support and cooperation for dealing with those challenges. It's no coincidence that a firm understanding, support, and cooperation are also the keys to make coping with divorce easier.

Dealing with divorce or separation without the advice, cooperation, and support from a guidance counselor or therapist, self-help groups, written materials, friends and family members can be quite a difficult task on your own and can leave you susceptible to emotional health issues, as the divorce process affects so many aspects in one's life, and a lot of changes occur in a very short time, so don't let pride or anything else get in the way of your emotional well being, and make use of the divorce support offered.

Why Are My Parents Separating or Divorcing?

Typically a separation or divorce takes place when the relationship shared between a couple changes in a way that makes it difficult for the couple to live together. These changes may include how your parents feel about each other, employment opportunities, and tension between your parents. Sometimes serious problems like substance abuse, domestic abuse, and gambling contribute to the changes in a relationship. However, if the marital problem is as serious as domestic abuse, substance abuse, gambling, etc., you should also search for information regarding domestic abuse, substance abuse, gambling, etc., so that you can learn how to determine for yourself any problem and deal with it in a healthy positive way.

Causes of Divorce Are Many

There are many different reasons that can cause parents to separate or divorce. As a child, teen, or even adult of divorcing or separating parents, it can be normal to feel at fault for what is happening, unfortunately that is just part of the healing process that one goes through when dealing with divorce. Though it is a common feeling to feel at fault, you cannot allow yourself to take the blame. Try to keep in mind that the reason for the divorce is not any reason that you can blame on yourself, as your parents’ decision to separate has to do with the situation between your parents, and in all likelihood the relationship that your parents share with each other.

Can I Stop My Parents Divorce?

Although it is common to want to prevent your parents’ separation or divorce, trying to prevent your parents from separating or divorcing will in all likelihood be unsuccessful, only disappoint you, and make coping with divorce harder. The decision to separate or divorce really is a decision that involves only your parents’ thoughts and feelings on the final conclusion.

Acceptance of Divorce is a Key to a Healthy Recovery

People throughout your life will make decisions and mistakes that will disappoint you as well as make you sad, angry, or frustrated. However, if you can accept certain things for what they are and learn from them, coping with divorce and other life obstacles will be much easier, and you will be healthier, happier, and more prosperous in your life.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. --Reinhold Niebuhr

My Parents are Divorcing - What Can I Expect?

The challenges brought by divorce are based on several aspects of your life. Your age and the type of parents you have are a couple aspects that are a main influence on the challenges you will face. Depending on those main influences, you might have very few changes, or you might have several changes in your life. These changes could include things such as; being in a single parent household, spending time with both parents separately, a new job for a parent who didn’t work before, moving to a new place, going to a new school, not having the money to afford some things that you could afford before, and perhaps dealing with parents' unpleasant feelings about each other.

It is very common and perfectly normal to have strong emotional responses to your parents’ divorce. Several thoughts and feelings may flood over you and change frequently as a result. Oftentimes divorce and separation will bring feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, and stress. Feelings of split loyalties to your parents and pressures to rescue and protect the more fragile parent also may be experienced. These feelings and pressures might cause you to feel abandoned, afraid, worried, or guilty. You may also feel relieved, especially if there has been a lot of tension or fighting at home.

The emotional responses brought on by divorce and separation can affect your whole family and be overwhelming at times, it will really help your whole family to find friends or trusted adults to talk about these feelings and thoughts with. You will need someone who will listen and allow you to let your thoughts and feelings out without fueling any fires or pressuring you in any way. In addition, written materials and established groups such as your church, self-help groups, a professional therapist or a guidance counselor can provide additional support with individual and family counseling to help you and your family through this time.

One thing about separation and divorce is that it brings focus to the fact that parents are only human, which can sometimes be blurred by our personal view of our parents. If your parents can’t work things out between the two of them, they may decide to have the divorce or separation go to trial to determine such things as who will be the custodial parent (which parent the child will live with most often), debt, and property.

More importantly, coping with divorce becomes much more difficult when parents are unable to work things out, as sometimes one parent, (more often it is the custodial parent than it is the non custodial parent), will do and say things to make the other parent seem like a bad person and can result in Parental Alienation from the child or children, causing the child or children to have behavioral health, and emotional health problems. Usually that’s when things get pretty ugly, as it seems those parents have forgotten that their chidren are a part of them both, so as the child of divorcing parents, you will need to have a line of morality that you don’t allow your parents to cross.

You Have Just as Many Inalienable Rights in Your Parents Divorce As They Have:

• You have the right to want a healthy satisfying relationship with each parent.

• You have the right to work through your feelings and to receive cooperation from other family members, trusted adults, professional counselors, etc. in dealing with problems you are experiencing related to your parents’ divorce.

• You have the right to remain neutral and not to be caught between or feel parental alienation from your parents as they struggle with each other . It’s your parents’ obligation to keep you from feeling as if you have to choose a “side” in your parents’ divorce.

• You have the right to your feelings whether they are relief, sadness, anger, frustration, pain, love, etc.

• You have the right to know what is going to happen concerning you and your activities during your parents’ divorce, and your parents have an obligation to tell you.

• You have the right to maintain your position in priority for family resources, especially concerning medical and educational support.

Insisting that both parents uphold your rights will greatly assist you with coping with your parents divorce and can help prevent any negative aspects of the divorce or negative feelings and thoughts your parents might have about each other from adding any stress or strain onto you or the relationship you have with either parent. Not everything parents do during divorce or separation will be correct and appropriate. Try to focus on the things your parents do well and learn from both their strengths and their faults.

Author's Note:

This article was written for 2 of my children, who were only 3 and 4 when they had to go through their father and I divorcing. As I was a very young mother, not knowing as much then as I do now, they were never informed properly about the changes that the divorce would bring. As my children were not informed properly, they were more susceptible to Parental Alienation.

Parental Alienation is devastating to any child and their self worth as well as it is often frightening and confusing, as the child is being taught to hate, fear, disrespect, and avoid not only a parent who they once loved, but also a part of themselves by being manipulated to hate, fear, disrespect, and avoid one of the parents that made them, is a part of them, and most importantly - loves them. Parental Alienation is Child Abuse. If you are a parent reading this, please keep that in mind.

It is my hopes that this article will help lessen the traumatic effects of divorce and separation, such as Parental Alienation, ensure a healthier future for other children who have to endure the changes of divorce, as well as ensure a healthier future for all the individuals of the family.

Copyright © 08/04/2011 by the Best Relationship

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